The Things You Felt When He Was Gone
by WildYennifer
Summary: Just Elena's thoughts about her&Damon and the conclusions she can't but make. Post-Homecoming, but no plotline, so it won't spoil what you expect from 3x10. For those who spend the last hours of waiting here on ffnet. The title I believe you know


A/N: For those who are spending their day waiting like crazy for ep. 3x10 and checking , I figured I'd post this short piece of writing. No storyline, just Elena's memories that will remind you of the sweetest moments of season 3. I believe it doesn't mess up with whatever is going to happen in 3x10 :D

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><p>The Things You Felt When He Was Gone<p>

This evening is meant for memories.

I sit with a glass of wine and stare at the window. Half-expecting he will come, I know. No point in lying to myself: I promised him to let go the only person I lied for.

So much for all the faith, all the support, all the damn effort I've put into making Stefan somebody he never was. I know he sincerely wanted to be human. He wanted to be human so much that he failed to remember he was a vampire. When it all caught up with him, it was too much. More than he could cope with, more than I could accept.

Damon was much more ready for the outcome than me.

It's amazing how he's been willing to be there for Stefan all along. First despite the fact that I was waiting for his brother to return to _me_, and then somehow despite the fact that I wasn't that much ready to have him back.

I try to think and understand what he must have felt all along, having his brother giving in to his darkest instincts on one side and me always needing him on the other side. It hits me so suddenly I gasp: only now do I get how deeply he must be hurt.

I'm sipping my wine in silence, not sure what to do with my new discovery.

I've been grateful to him, of course. I've certainly been patient with him. I've been _worried _about him, I smirk to myself. But it never really occurred to me that I wasn't the only one in a dire need of comfort.

I've been denying him something he really needed from me: my love. Something I feel for his brother. Or felt, whatever. Something I certainly shouldn't feel for Damon Salvatore.

Don't I?

"_Alaric found it in his loft. I figured you'd be happy to get it back"_

Doing his best to keep even my memory of Stefan alive and blissful for as long as he could.

"_Damon, please"_

"_Ok. Ok. But we are out of here before the moon is full"_

Risking his life all along – mostly for my sake.

"_It's been a long week, so I'm just going to be blunt. No matter what he does, Damon's gotten under your skin"_

Damn you, Caroline. Why do you always have to bring up things I'm not ready to face? A long week… You're always blunt. You always say what I don't want to hear.

Thank you, my friend.

"_I can help you forget, too"_

Willing to do the only thing that would save my love for his brother.

"_I promise you… I will never leave you again"_

Trying his best to keep his promises… even if they were impossible.

"_I'll do whatever it is you need me to do, Elena"_

I could still feel his lips brushing against my ear and that incredible feeling of falling apart and enjoying every second of it.

"_So I was right"_

And that smirk that made me want to slap it off his face… or to kiss it off.

"_Do you trust me?" – "Yes"_

God, I trust him more than myself. All the things he's done to me don't matter – not when he's shown so many times he would give up everything for me.

"_We're never getting Stefan back. You know that, don't you?"_

And still incredulous that I could stay there with him only for him – not because his brother was or wasn't coming back.

After all, it's my fault. I've spent so much time breaking his hopes that he can't believe it when I start trying to gather them back.

I stand up and put the glass on the table. It might be intuition, I think, as I walk downstairs.

"_Yes, I worry about you. Why do you even have to hear me say it?"_

"_Because when I drag my brother from the edge and deliver him back to you, I want you to remember the things you felt when he was gone"_

The things I feel when he is gone. The things I concealed when he wasn't.

Just a four-letter word. The simplest and the hardest in the world.

I open the front door and there is Damon, his hand in the air, just about to knock. Clearly surprised to see me – I have no idea myself how I knew he would come.

"Hey" I say with a smile, letting him in and closing the door that separates the two of us from the rest of the world.

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><p>This is it =) Please, read and review, but no offence if you don't :D Hope you enjoyed at least a little))<p> 


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